Incoming Robocalls
Hello, my Flamazing Flock. I hope you’ve had a fantastic day, or night, or whatever. Of course, I’ve been wading through many different situations and sadly I have neglected everything here. Well, here I am to just attach my two cents to something that really has bothered me lately and that is “robocalls.” You know, the kind that never has a person attached. They call you just to play a prerecorded message telling you about nothing but sounding urgent while doing it. Oh, sure, I know hanging up is the best option, but sometimes I just can’t help being curious.
One type that I dislike are calls and asks for a person, and then clarifies that if you are not “such and such a person,” then is this person available. Press 1 for “yes” or 2 for “no.” Then if you select no, the recording informs you that the message is for “such and such a person” and to hang up if you are not “such and such a person.” Now really, how does the machine know if you are or are not said person? Anyone at that point could attempt to stay on the line to hear the message.
My other least favorite robocall, the kind that will cause me to leave the realm of happiness and brings gloom and irritation to my otherwise happy day, is the type wherein the call goes something like this:
Me: “Hello?”
Robo Call: “Hello, this a call for Cantankerous. This is a very important call concerning such and such account. Please hold a while and wait for the next available representative. Currently, our wait time is 30-45 minutes...”
What then follows is a continuous loop of elevator muzak and a repeated message thanking me for my wasted time. Now seriously, I didn’t even call them, they called me. You'd think I would be grateful for a break from cleaning, but it’s not even a very cheerful call, and the muzak is not as interesting as some of the old Kmart Reel to Reel from the 1970s. I once set the phone down while waiting after being informed that the wait time would be longer than 45 minutes, and the usual “thank you for your patience.” I really wasn’t patient. I was just rather annoyed.
It’s a rare thing to get a representative immediately on the phone. Usually, a series of messages and prompts requiring action on my part that may or may not lead to a real-life (or at least semi-comatose) person. However, this time I was called. ME. Like having someone knock on my door, asking to come in and then leaving me standing there holding the door open for 15 minutes while they make up their minds concerning the visit.
Look I know companies are trying to save money and maybe automation works in some cases, but if you want to sell me something at least have the temerity to put a real person on the phone. Don’t make me wait 30-45 minutes to finally be considered important enough for the company to actually notice me all the while reassuring me of the value of my time. Really, if you can’t do me that much courtesy, then at least don’t lie to me! “You are a valued customer, please wait while we get the next available representative.” Look, sweetheart, I am not even a customer, I haven’t heard the sales pitch. Call my home disturbing me from crochet etc to tell me to wait!
These companies are really clueless and I don’t have time. If they want to camp on my phone line that’s one thing, but they are not sincere when they program their answering service to tell me I am a valued customer. I did not call them. Did someone decide to wake up as a big jerk and say “I know, not only will we dial them with a robot, we’ll make them wait AFTER they pick up? If they don’t their answering machine will and we will fill it with elevator muzak! But just in case none of this lack of effort on our part is appreciated, we’ll flatter them by saying they are a valued customer.”
Instead the message should be something like “All our representatives are busy assisting other customers, so we thought we’d go ahead and record our sales pitch. However, if you follow the menu you can not only listen to the message in the following languages, but you can also choose the accent by which you wish to listen to the message. Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish, 3 for Arnold Schwarzenegger, 4 for Sean Connery, 5 for Marilyn Monroe, 6 for Catherine Zeta-Jones.” Then the message will give the sales pitch and allow you to answer yes or no, or let you continue to listen to elevator muzak until a real person gets on the line.
Now, it should be noted for those who are just reading my work for the first time that I am a strange person. I actually enjoy some muzak and elevator music. It is rather calming in a weird, generic way, especially if it’s the retro stuff from the ’60s and ’70s. However, I do not like it when someone invades my home and then makes ME wait. I get it if I catch them off guard and I have to wait through a message until an operator gets on the line. After all I called without an appointment. Sure, if the tables were turned, I would love to put them on hold once in a while, let the telemarketer or representative or whomever it is that is calling, make them listen to some muzak, interrupt with some number or voice prompts that do not work like “I did not quite catch that, can you say that again?” Just once I would like to set it up that they have to wait to leave a message for making me wait, only to find out that at the other end of the line is some offer for a cruise I was not interested in the first place or some weird magazine deal concerning fitness. I might be interested in the said subscription offer if it were for some crochet magazines! But, alas, it isn’t though. Ever.
I miss talking to real people. So much so that when I get on the line with a real person, I almost have a little bit of a conversation. Of course on the other hand, if some Donna Summer song comes on, I will take that moment to put my phone on speaker phone and dance. Usually, I just hang up and try to remember what task I was supposed to be procrastinating on, and then continue my day.
There you have it. My rant for the day. Have a fantastically flamingo day that is as completely Flamazing as yourself.
