My Mother

Greetings to all my Flamazing friends and family. I want to take a moment to talk about a topic that means the world to me: my mother. It seems these days that so many people want to speak about their parents in a negative light. Truth is that I do not think that any parent is perfect and many would never measure up to all of the high standards we or the world expect our parents to reach. I am sure some were or are downright horrendous, but there are many who try their best, and unfortunately in our world of magical thinking of “shoulds,” they are just not good enough.

I know I speak from experience. I used to complain, moan, and whine like the best of them about how horrible my parents were or are. They still have their flaws, and they still are not perfect, but when I look at the positive things, things look better. Being a mother now, and a mother of adult children, I can look back with the wisdom of experience and see some fantastic qualities I previously overlooked. With that in mind, I am going to make a point that with all the negative out there I will seek the positive. Rather like mushroom hunting here in northern Michigan, when you find the good once, it gets easier to spot.

In that spirit, today I am going to talk about my mother. Mom and I did not get along well when I was a teen. We were always at each other, she wanted me to work harder in school, and I wanted to wear the latest mini skirts and watch MTV (the 80s, you know). Looking back, I realize that she wanted me to be successful and not struggle, so she pushed me. I wanted to party, be popular, crush on the cutest boy in school, pass notes to my friends, play D&D, and go to the mall. I started to take pride in school when I joined Air Force Junior ROTC, but just enough to barely graduate. I didn’t think of my future I was focused on right now. She didn’t have the Internet to deal with, but there were still issues, and Mom navigated them the best she could. 

My mom grew up with 4 other siblings, 2 sisters, and 2 brothers. Her dad had been a cop in Detroit until deciding to purchase a store out by the Croton-Hardy Dam area. Grandma and the kids helped run it and it wasn’t always easy. To hear her tell it there were times Grandma and Grandpa were up late trying to figure out how to pay the bills. Eventually, he got some land on the Little Muskegon River and went back into police work at Ferris State University. He was a WWII Navy Vet and a strict man but he always worked hard to provide for his family. My mom told me they all loved to sit around and sing and Grandpa had a deep beautiful voice. That’s where my mom developed a love for music. 

Croton-Hardy Dam

She made it to college and that’s where she met my dad. Now my dad had already served in the Army and was using the GI Bill to go to school. They got married in 1970 and I was born that very same year. They were both broke. Dad used an old crate for my crib. Mom pushed through until she got pregnant with my brother. He was born on New Year’s Day 1972. Dad graduated from Ferris State University. He worked for McDonald’s Corporation and then went to work for Kroger. It was the 70s and the recession hit Michigan hard. He was laid off. He had two young kids at home, and without batting an eye or a discussion with my mom, he went to the recruiters and signed back up into the Army. They took him because he was once in the MEDDAC corps as a food inspector and he now had a bachelor’s degree in that field. I do not remember much, except that Mom cried when Dad wasn’t around, but only for a minute or two. She just knew she had to support him. And this is where my memories about my mom kicks in. She persevered and took things in stride. I never saw her get mad about what Dad did. She didn’t complain. She turned on the radio, danced, and sang through the hard times. When we got to Texas to San Antonio she found a part-time job to help Dad out and we went to a neighbor for sitting. It was there my brother and I came home with lice. My mom stayed up late brushing, combing, and shampooing my hair with lice shampoo to get rid of those buggers. Again not a complaint did I hear. We watched Wonderful World of Disney or Little House on the Prairie. Mom made a game out of everything she could. When Dad got his orders for Kentucky and then deployed to South Korea, it was the first time Mom was without Dad for a year. She read to us and made Saturday nights into “pioneer nights” with no electricity that day. She would read The Hobbit to us and even made up voices for all of the characters. When we went on road trips she pretended to be different characters from stories and we would laugh while holding conversations. When Star Wars came out she made up a personality for a ship’s computer named Forsythia. 

Sure my mom had her bad moments, but she tried hard to give us a lot of good memories. She would drag us camping. I should mention that camping was not something I enjoyed as a teen, but I look back and appreciate it more, now. My mom was ever resourceful, always able to make do, repurpose, create. She got her teaching degree in around ‘76 or ‘77.  She also learned to play the autoharp and she began writing her own music. She also started taking those stories she made up to entertain my brother and I and started writing a book. Looking back she was a rock: solid, sure, faithful, loyal, determined, supportive. She took care of us when we were sick. She supported dad on every PCS move and didn’t complain. She taught where she could never living in one place to get tenure or retirement, but she did it. She taught in military programs for soldiers to help them read or do better math to increase their test scores. 

Over the years I see now that no matter how difficult I was, she never lost her devotion to me as a mom. Now I am living with cancer, heart failure, and diabetes and she STILL calls me her hero. My words do not do her justice all that she means to me. I hope to be able to share those happy memories here.  My mom is still active, going to craft fairs, singing and I hope working on another book.

My mother above all has been the silent hero throughout my life and I wanted to dedicate this post to her. Thanks for letting me share!

Be Flamazing my friends.